How to Help Your Child Talk to You by Paula Statman, M.S.S.W.

Parent-child communication today is a ‘good news, bad news’ situation. The good news is that we are very well aware of the challenges our children and teens face. The bad news is that we don’t necessarily know how to talk about these challenges. We often avoid or fall short of having useful discussions with our children about sensitive subjects and risk behavior such as drugs, alcohol, and sex.

If you grew up with parents who approached tough topics from the “top down” with rules and consequences, rather than allowing for dialogue and exploration, there is a good chance that you tuned your parents out, kept secrets or lied. It is important that you don’t set up a similar dynamic with your own children; the potential cost of poor parent-child communication is too high.

When parent-child communication is unproductive or harmful, a child’s emotional and physical health is at risk. Unresolved problems erupting at school, home, and in the community escalate to risk behavior, such as drug and alcohol use, in the teen years and beyond.

The good news is that improved parent–child communication may reduce individual risk factors, such as poor academic achievement or low self-esteem. Improved parent-child communication may also improve how we monitor and supervise our children and create useful discussions about factors that lead to involvement in health-risk behaviors.

Becoming be an informed, effective communicator with your kids takes some awareness and effort, but is well worth it. Start by thinking and acting as what I call “an inviting presence.” This means that your words and actions send the message, “You are not alone. I am here for you. I can help. I’m listening.” Nothing is more reassuring and inviting for a child than having your unwavering presence in his or her life.

Another key to good parent-child communication is to create open and safe space for your kids to share their troubles with you. This means that when they take the risk of expressing vulnerable feelings or troubling experiences, don’t grill them with questions or lecture or judge. It also means listening actively, not passively or half-heartedly. In my experience, every parent who can do these things is also observant and encouraging.

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